


are we just smiling through the smoke?

by meganface



Series: they lesbianing together [2]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Established Relationship, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-25 07:47:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3802435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meganface/pseuds/meganface
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>aka five times Michaela didn't care what others thought and one time she did</p>
            </blockquote>





	are we just smiling through the smoke?

**Author's Note:**

> so this is a series now? idk
> 
> as always, thank you to Billie (stitchandrepair) for putting up with me and helping me out with this
> 
> title inspired by a line in la dispute's 'andria'

_one_

Looking after a little kid was weird. Little kids were weird.

The Road to El Dorado had just come to an end for the second time in a fucking row and Liam was grinning at her, asked, "Again?" all hopeful and excited.

Michaela shifted in her seat, chewed on the dry skin of her bottom lip. In the kitchen, Leanne was making Liam a grilled cheese and this was the first time Michaela had been left alone with the kid. She didn't know what she was supposed to do. Already she'd cursed about five times around him - and Leanne didn't say anything, just rolled her eyes kind of, but still. Now here they were: Liam with his big, brown puppy eyes asking for something that made her want to scream.

Thankfully, Leanne came back then, plate in hand. "Alright, buddy," she said, leaning over the back of the couch and placing a gentle kiss to Liam's forehead. "Here you go." Liam happily took his food from her and Leanne smiled at him, ruffled his hair then sat back in the arm chair.

There was an ease to which Leanne looked after Liam. Part of it was probably down to having so many younger siblings and good for fuck all parents, but Michaela could see it was more than that. Could see it ran deeper. Could see that inate want to care for people. Not like maternal instinct, more like she felt as though it was more important to care for others than herself. Michaela was pretty much the opposite, but she admired Leanne for it.

She'd never said anything, though.

Leanne had her eyebrows raised, remote control in her hand, when Michaela snapped out of her thoughts. "Which one?" she asked. It sounded like she was repeating herself, exasperated.

Michaela looked down at Liam beside her. He took a huge bite of his grilled cheese and shrugged, an over the top movement. It seemed almost sarcastic which, yeah, with Lip as a brother it made sense that he'd pick up on that shit.

"Liam, come on. Just pick one."

"Spongebob," he said, muffled from the food in his mouth.

The channel changed to the stupidness that was Spongebob Squarepants. Michaela got out a cigarette and lit it, kicking her feet up onto the coffee table. She needed something if she had to sit through this with the added bonus of Leanne smirking at her, knowing exactly how much she hated this show.

///

The third episode was just finishing when the back door opened. Michaela craned her head back, saw it was Debbie and Carl, faces pink and sucking on popsicles.

Debbie walked straight over to Liam, tickled his side then picked him up and sat down where he was. Michaela instantly tensed up the second their arms touched.

"You two forget to put on sun screen?" Leanne asked, eyes drifting away from the tv to look at them for a second before drifting right back. She was as bad as Liam.

Michaela felt Debbie shrug. "Put a little on this morning but we've been out a while, I guess."

"Put some aloe on it later," Leanne said, soft in her demand.

Carl snorted. His lips were green. "That shit stinks, I'm not putting it on my face."

"So you'd rather look like a lobster? And, hey, language."

That was apparently the end of the conversation. Michaela did a quick scan of the room. Leanne and Liam were intently watching the tv, Carl just sat on the arm of the arm chair, and Debbie on her phone, smiling. Regardless of how often Michaela hung out here, with the Gallaghers, she didn't think she'd ever get used to the easy way they existed around each other. It was so simple, straightforward. Even when they were arguing or there was shit going down, there was like a unity between them. Or - _something_. Fuck it, Michaela didn't know what it was exactly, just knew it was worlds away from what she grew up in.

She flicked ash from her cigarette into the ashtray perched on her lap.

"So uh, you two still bangin'?"

Half-choking on the drag she just inhaled, Michaela muttered, "Jesus christ," purposely keeping her eyes down, avoiding everyone's gaze because what the fuck? She could swear that Carl just had no filter, asking her about scissoring and strap ons and eating pussy. Like it was nothing, just normal every day conversation.

"Ow, shit!" Her head shot up at that. Carl was holding his arm, one of Liam's toy cars by his feet.

Debbie rolled her eyes. "Well you can't just ask that, Carl, you idiot."

"What, why?" He looked genuinely confused and Michaela had to bite back a hysterical laugh. "Thought lesbians like held hands and cuddled and shared blankets. Stuff like that."

Again, Debbie rolled her eyes, shifting Liam on her lap. "You can't generalise like that. Every couple is different." For a few moments she looked back and forth between Michaela and Leanne. "But you guys are still together, right?"

Leanne dragged a hand down her face. Her cheeks had a light blush to them. "Yes, we are," she answered, long-suffering but amused.

That shut the two of them up. It wasn't the first time someone had pointed out how they didn't really act like a "couple". The idea of PDA still made Michaela antsy, nervous about it. And it's not like she and Leanne never touched each other where other people could see. They'd been seen kissing and hugging and shit before but it wasn't - they just weren't like that. 

Besides, Michaela thought the way Leanne would tug up her hood when it was raining (because Michaela didn't care about her hair getting wet) mattered more than all that. Giving the crusts of her pizza to Leanne (because she liked them for some reason and Michaela always left hers) was more significant than fucking pet names and cuddles.

If people didn't know that or couldn't see it then that was on them, wasn't her problem.

_two_

"Well maybe you should fucking say that then! I'm not a mind reader, jesus!" Leanne dropped her plate in the sink. It landed with a loud clang.

Michaela scoffed, knew it would anger Leanne even more and didn't give a shit. "Right yeah, 'cause you're so good at not being a little bitch about it."

Leanne spun round to face her, jaw clenched. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise me not being happy about your refusal to hang out with my friends was so annoying for you!" Her voice was full of sarcasm, mean with it. "I'm sorry I have friends who give a shit, wanna include you."

The thing is, Michaela never fucking asked for them to. She didn't want more people to try and impress, people who would wind up judging her as nothing more than South Side scum. Staring at her tattooed knuckles and growing more and more awkward every time she'd swear. She already went through it with her ROTC friends, she didn't want a second round.

This current argument was exactly why she didn't bring it up before they left for Leanne's friend's birthday party. Easier to just get dragged along than to dive into all the reasons she didn't want to.

"Fuck off," is what she said. Easy words that felt comfortable leaving her mouth. "I say no, I don't wanna come to the party and you get pissed off. I go with you and what, don't fucking mingle enough, don't shake enough hands, crack enough lame ass jokes, and you get pissed off!" Michaela could feel her anger growing. "So I'm sorry that I'm not the perfect, sweet girlfriend your friends-"

"That's total bullshit and you know it. Like I don't know exactly who you are, what type of girlfriend you are." She slumped back against the counter but her frustration lingered in her frown, the tight clench of her fists beside her legs. "That has nothing to do with it. If you just told me then-"

"Then you'd wanna know why and make it into a bigger deal than it is! Like you're doing right fucking now!"

"What-"

"Can you two shut up?" Mandy shuffled into the kitchen, dragging her feet. "Always at each other's fuckin' throats."

Michaela sighed, sat further back in her seat and gripped the edge of the kitchen table. "Fuck off, Mandy."

She ignored her. Rummaged through the fridge and reemurged with two cheese slices. "You fuck off," she said. "I have to listen to you argue, like, 24/7. I get to complain about it."

"It isn't that bad." Leanne rolled her eyes, put on her innocent 'what?' face when Mandy just looked at her.

It probably was that bad. But it was never actually _bad._ So they argued a lot. It was hardly ever about shit that mattered. Michaela liked that, liked that they pushed it with each other, didn't hold back. Not that Leanne didn't piss her the fuck off but she could deal with that; better than being with some doormat who sucked up to her.

"Whatever," Mandy said. She left the room, the silence lingering after her.

_three_

A drop of condensation slid down the beer bottle and onto Michaela's hand. She took a sip, her eyes rolling. "What the fuck? Hairless is so weird, like why do you want her pussy to look prepubescent?" She screwed her eyes up at Tommy as he sized up the pool table.

"Amen," Leanne said in agreement. She was perched on the edge of the table where Michaela was sat, the pool cue between her legs. "If Kay was all smooth like a Barbie it'd be a turn off."

"Alright, okay, I don't need to hear about your... grooming habits," Kev piped up from where he was clearing a nearby table.

As if Kev didn't talk about weirder shit than that, about the twins and how often they took their dumps.

"Whatever," Michaela said, shrugging away his comment. "You agree, right? Cos seriously, there's nothin' at all sexy about a pussy that looks like it belongs to a ten year-old." She downed the rest of her beer, grinning as Leanne won the game of pool, making a 'gimme' gesture to a pissed off Tommy. Idiot should never have made a bet that he could win a game of pool against her.

Kev shrugged. "I don't want anything looking like it belongs to a ten year-old on a chick I'm gonna bang, dude, jesus."

"It's not just how it looks either," Leanne added, taking the seat beside Michaela, scraping back her hair into a ponytail as she spoke. "This one time Kay decided to just shave everything for - why did you do that?" She turned to Michaela then, tightening her fresh ponytail.

There wasn't really any reason. Michaela shrugged.

"Anyway, she did that and it was okay at first but after a couple days I had honest to god stubble burn."

Michaela snorted. "Oh shit, yeah. Fuckin' rash all round your mouth." It was pretty funny if you asked Michaela, but Leanne was pissed. It itched and concealer didn't really work so she had to walk around looking like she'd been necking with a fucking lumberjack. Hilarious.

Kev was frowning at them. The frown he got when Frank started spouting his drunken bullshit rants. "That is too much information, okay? Like if you were wondering what counts as TMI, that right there is it." He got back to clearing tables, muttering to himself.

Nothing he said was audible but Michaela could guess what it was. About how there were things you needed to keep between yoursleves and this being inapropriate and that being inapropriate, whatever.

She took the rest of Leanne's beer, grinning into it as Leanne's hand slid up her thigh.

_four_

Michaela grunted, the sound literally punched out of her. "God, fuck you so hard," she groaned, narrowing her eyes at Leanne but unable to stop the smile her mouth formed.

"Later, maybe." Leanne pushed away the hair that was in her face then motioned for Michaela to come closer like some cheesy WWE wrestler.

It wasn't hard to tackle Leanne onto the couch. She had a hell of punch and could block hits but barely ever protected the rest of herself well enough. She landed making a quiet 'oomph' sound, and Michaela rushed to pin her before Leanne pushed or bucked her off.

"Yeah, bitch," Michaela laughed, sitting more firmly on Leanne's hips. "I got you now."

Incredulous, Leanne raised her brows, tilted her head to the side. Stared at Michaela for so long that Michaela just sort of forgot. That they were fighting and that she wanted to win. Forgot to that Leanne was a sly son of a bitch and landed straight on her back, only just missing the coffee teable.

She startled, eyes bulging. "That's how it is, huh?" she asked, watching Leanne slip away, closer to the kitchen. She got to her feet, sized Leanne up and charged. 

They smacked into the wall, both of them breathless, the sounds of laughter and grunts of pain mixing together. Michaela's socked feet were sliding against the linoleum as Leanne dragged her into the kitchen, holding her in a loose headlock. And at this point Michaela couldn't even muster up the energy to wriggle out of it, barely able to catch her breath from laughing.

Leanne let Michaela back her against the fridge, released her from the headlock. "Truce?" she asked, grinning so wide, her eyes crinkling.

And fuck, Michaela loved her fucking face. "Whatever," she said, digging her finger into Leanne's stomach. "For now."

"Y'all have some weird ass foreplay."

Michaela almost yelped, the words actually making her jump. "Jesus christ," she muttered, taking in the sight of Vee and Fiona sat at the kitchen table, smirking.

"What are you guys doing here?" Leanne asked, sucking in a big breath. She ran a hand through her hair; she got it cut recently so that it barely passed her shoulders. It looked good.

"We've been here since you first started-" Fiona waved a hand in their direction, "Whatever that was."

Vee took a drink of her beer, then pointed a finger at them. "And what the hell was that? I thought you were tryna kill each other for real before I saw your smiles.

Michaela could feel her cheeks heating up and she averted her gaze to the floor, stuffed her hands in her hoody pockets.

"Nothing, just, y'know," Leanne paused and Michaela could see her gesturing at nothing, "playing about."

"Right, okay." Fiona couldn't have sounded more dubious, like she honestly believed this seriously was foreplay.

And sometimes it lead to sex, being so close and all over each other but it was - like Leanne said. Everyone knew about the Milkoviches, how they used their fists to solve their problems, like it was ingrained in them. And it sure as shit wasn't unusual to hear that Lip or Carl or any of them had got into a fight.

Michaela liked it and knowing for sure she wouldn't have her skull caved in made it even better. 

_five_

Iggy let himself into Michaela's room, a lit cigarette perched between his lips.

"Yeah, come in, don't knock or anything," Michaela said, glaring at him.

He shrugged lazily. "It'd be locked if you were up to something. Anyway, where's Leanne?"

There were times Michaela loved that people knew about her and Leanne. They didn't have to hide, consantly on the lookout, having to plan every little thing. But there was the other side. The weird one that had Iggy and sometimes Colin casually asking about Leanne or hanging out with her when she was round their house. Michaela didn't know how she felt about it.

"Dunno, why?" she asked, a frown forming between her brows.

Iggy took a drag of his cigarette, smoke streaming out of his mouth as he spoke. "I got these Louis Vuitton and Gucci purses me and TJ stole a couple weeks back and she was gonna have her brother look at 'em, see if they're legit or not. And what d'you mean you dunno? She's your girlfriend."

"Yeah, not my fuckin' daughter, what's your point?". Those purses were almost definitely fake as shit if Iggy and his idiot buddy were able to steal them, but Michaela left that alone. 

"I always know what my girls are up to," he said, like it was obvious and that everyone but her were in the same boat. "You at least know what she's up to later, if she'll be at home?"

"No, jesus. And stop givin' me that look, alright? If you're so interested in her whereabouts why not go to her house and see if she's there."

Iggy took one more confused look at her then left, closing her door hard.

And seriously, fuck him. She wasn't Leanne's carer and she wasn't obsessed with knowing every tiny thing she did during her day. There was no need for that shit.

_\+ one_

The worst thing about all this was that Michaela had finally started believing that she could deserve Leanne, that she was worthy of love and all that other shit.

She tugged down the hem of her dress, one Mandy gave her ages ago when she had a final growth spurt and got all skinny, the dress too big for her. It was tight and black and shorter than Michaela was really comfortable with but it was a party and Leanne seriously eye-fucked the shit out of her when she tried it on. 

It didn't matter now.

She needed another drink, something strong. Only problem was that it'd mean leaving the bathroom and facing all of those people. The same people who'd just said, "Leanne could so much better, it's crazy" and, "Right? I mean Michaela's kinda pretty but she's so rude and, like, trashy" and, "I have no idea what she sees in her". The people who were probably all thinking the same thing.  
Michaela turned her back to the mirror, knew that if she caught sight of herself she'd no doubt punch it. And wouldn't that just make those fuckers gape and smirk, their opinions confirmed.

And they weren't exactly some upper class, trust fund kids, not like some of Leanne's ROTC friends. These were people Leanne knew from community college, people Michaela wasn't even all that wary of meeting. And yet they'd trampled all over her with their words, like they knew a single fucking thing about her.

God, she hated this. She could feel herself tearing up and slammed her hand down behind her on the cool marble. She had to leave, get out of here, just go-

"Hey, thought I lost you."

Leanne looked ridiculously good. She wore a navy blue, high-waisted skirt that flared out slightly and this cropped, white, lace vest top. Her hair was all wavy and she just - Michaela didn't use the word 'beautiful' a lot but nothing else really did her justice. She was definitely slumming it with Michaela.

Her warm smile slowly turned down at the edges. She studied Michaela's face. "What happened?"

Michaela wanted to run away and she wanted Leanne to just hug her, tight and safe. If she said anything about what those girls said, Leanne would obviously say they were wrong, that they didn't know shit. But Michaela didn't need that. She needed to go home and sleep.

"Okay, sure," Leanne said, holding out her hand. "Let's go."

///

Leanne fucked her slow and soft when they got home. Whispered the things she'd never say when the sun was out into the skin of Michaela's thighs, stomach, neck.

And when Michaela came, Leanne two fingers deep in her, her mouth sucking and kissing Michaela's nipple, she clung to Leanne's shoulder, nails leaving little imprints.

"You're so good," Leanne sighed, hands now cradling Michaela's face. Whispered, "Perfect, so perfect for me," against Michaela's mouth, like she wanted the words to be swallowed up, for Michaela to eat them up and let them settle in her.

And Michaela opened her mouth and kissed Leanne as hard as she could, saying the shit she didn't have the words to. Because there were always people who had their opinions or their hate, which they were more than happy to voice. But there was also Leanne - always Leanne and her ability to just know what Michaela would never say and what she needed to be reminded of.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback and kudos etc are always appreciated
> 
> I'm zombiesofdesign on tumblr if you care


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